User blog:AgentRedhead/Wario VS King Dedede
Wario VS King Dedede is a What-If? episode of Death Battle by AgentRedhead, featuring Wario from the Super Mario franchise and King Dedede from the Kirby franchise in a battle between Nintendo's greedy anti-heroes. Description They're big, they're bad, and they're ready for action! Which of these two money-hungry powerhouses will power through to victory? Interlude (*Cues: Wiz & Boomstick - Brandon Yates*) Wiz: Some villains are despicable masters of evil, loathed by everyone around them. Some are former icons, now bent on destroying the hero by any means necessary. Boomstick: And some are just douchebags in search of a quick buck. Like Wario, the treasure hunting rival to Mario. Wiz: And King Dedede, the self-proclaimed King of Dreamland and friendly rival to Kirby. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a death battle. Wario (*Cues: Throwback Galaxy - Super Mario Galaxy 2*) Wiz: Heroes can come in many shapes and sizes. Look at Mario, for instance. Instead of your regular knight in shining armor, he's just a simple, overweight plumber. Boomstick: I dunno what's so simple about constantly beating a tyrannical turtle king, but you're not wrong. He's always ready to step up to whatever task he needs to do, especially saving the Princess. Wiz: However, Bowser isn't the only villain that Mario's faced. One day, after saving another damsel in distress, he came back to find that his castle- Boomstick: Whoa, whoa, wait. Mario lives in a castle?! Man, I guess picking up all those gold coins might actually be worth it. Where'd I put my metal detector? Wiz: Anyway, when he returned home, he found sitting in his throne none other than the yellow-clad greed monger himself, Wario. Wario: I'm-a Wario! I'm-a number one! (*Cues: Greenhorn Forest - Wario World*) Wiz: Wario is the polar opposite of Mario in many ways. Mario is a hero, who always fights to stop evil. Boomstick: While Wario only fights people to see how rich he can get. He'll do just about anything to make money. Hell, even as a baby, he was born with a magnet, just to see what kinda spare change he could bring to him. But considering that he's one of the seven star children, it makes sense that he'd want a reward for saving lives. I know I would. Wiz: Wario's greed is his main driving force, and it's usually how he ends up in all kinds of wacky adventures. Though it wasn't how he got started. While his lust of money is a pretty big reason, the other one is his undying jealousy of Mario. Boomstick: Man, how big is Mario's shadow if he can fit somebody like Wario under it? He's gotta have some kinda reason for hating Mario just that much. Well, it turns out that the two of them actually grew up together, and one of their favorite games to play was Cops and Robbers. Well, it was Mario's, at least, considering that he played the cop all but once! Wiz: While Mario did end up apologizing, Wario has held an undying grudge against Mario for over 20 years. Guess that's what happens when you don't play fair, huh? And it's this unyielding hatred of Mario that's resulted in more than a few fights with the plucky plumber. Luckily for Wario, he's got the skills and tricks he needs to keep up with him. Boomstick: His main attack is the Shoulder Bash, where he charges forward like a bull, crushing stone with his sheer muscle. He can use his weight to pound the ground so hard, it causes earthquakes, or if he needs to, he can just unhinge his mouth and chew you up. I'd really hate to be his dentist. Wiz: He also has several different transformations and abilities that he can use, like Spring Wario, which lets him reach high up places, or Flaming Wario, where his entire body is covered in flames, letting him reach faster speeds. Boomstick: Talk about getting fired! Wiz: But among his powers, two truly stand out. First, with a simple piece of Super Garlic, he can become Wario-Man, his superhero alter ego, increasing his strength and letting him fly around. Second, by concentrating his energy, he can unleash a devastating blast of energy that's so powerful, it makes people pass out at the mere mention of its name. This is... The Waft. Wario releases the waft, which sends him soaring into the air, leaving behind a mushroom cloud. Wario: Ooh, spicy! (*Cues: Wario's theme - Mario Strikers Charged*) Wiz: Yes, he really weaponized his flatulence. And the worst part? He's really good at using it, too. By using the waft, Wario creates a gas so noxious, it stuns anyone who inhales it, causing them to become dazed. He can even inhale so much energy, that he can cause an explosion. (Camera turns to Wiz and Boomstick.) Boomstick: Hey, do you think maybe I could do the waft, too? I did have some extra beans for lunch, y'know! Here goes! Wiz: Wait, Boomstick, don't! You're standing right next to- (Boomstick lets out a fart, right next to an open flame, creating a small explosion.) Wiz: Ah! Boomstick: *Coughs* Oh, shit... Think I'm feeling dizzy... Wiz: Anyways... (*Cues: Black Jewel's Showdown (Phase 2) - Wario World*) Wiz: Using these skills, Wario's accomplished some pretty impressive feats along his vast treasure-hunting career. Boomstick: He's strong enough to lift and throw a T-Rex weighing about 10 tons. He's quick enough to keep up with Mario, who's been able to pilot the Star Diver at Mach 375, and he's survived being burned alive, crushed, and frozen just fine. And remember that massive tennis court explosion? Wiz: This explosion took place inside of Peach's Stadium, and it was made up of many different bombs and bullet bills inside of Bowser's ship. Based on the size of the tennis court in comparison to the explosion, we can determine the explosion must have been worth 2.4 megatons. Boomstick: Talk about going out with a bang! That'll teach you not to play with fire. Uh, or bombs. Wiz: But despite all this tremendous power, Wario isn't perfect. His win-loss record in Cops and Robbers could tell you that. And beyond that, his greed and jealousy can often cloud his judgment, forcing him to make some pretty stupid decisions. Boomstick: Like that one time he drew on public property to make Mario look stupid and then got chased by the cops, or when he thought the best way to pay for some pizza was to start his own micro minigame company, instead of just selling the stuff he already had. What a hoarder. Wario: D'oh I missed! Wiz: But even with his weaknesses, Wario is a cunning and greedy powerhouse, who won't stop until he gets his way. Wario: That'll do it, the money's as good as mine! Those saps fall for it every time! *Wario laughs, before beginning to choke.* King Dedede (*Cues: Title - Kirby Triple Deluxe*) Wiz: The country of Dream Land is a place filled with peace and tranquility, and houses some of the most fascinating creatures in the universe. Boomstick: Not to mention adorable! Look how cute those Waddle Dees are! Wiz: But as with most countries, it has a ruler. But not just any ruler, either. This is a tyrant, a leader with an iron clad determination to have his way over Dream Land. This, is King Dedede. King Dedede laughs. (*Cues: King Dedede theme - Super Smash Bros Brawl*) Boomstick: That's their king? A fat bird? Why couldn't it have been something cooler, like an eagle or a vulture? Those, I could understand. Wiz: It is a bit odd that a penguin of all creatures is their leader. But just because he's a tubby bird doesn't mean he's a pushover. In the past, the Triple D was a big old bird with a kingdom to rule, all for himself. But soon, everything would change, with the arrival of an adorable little baby alien, named Kirby. After the Pink Puffball showed up, the King’s popularity did a figurative dive into the toilet. It was then that he knew what he had to do: Like any captain facing mutiny, he would overpower Kirby, and be rid of him once and for all. Boomstick: Kinda like that Evil Queen from Snow White, except instead of an old hag and a pretty princess, it's a fat bird and a pink puffball. Actually, now that I think about it, Kirby also climbed a huge beanstalk to get to Dedede one time. And there was also that one game dealing with magic mirrors... Uh, hey Wiz? You sure the Kirby games aren't just, y'know, fairy tales on drugs? Wiz: Well, they do come from Japan, so it's hard to say. However, if there’s one thing that’s even more insane than the adventures he goes on, it's the abilities that he uses to face his enemies. After going through some presumably intense physical training, Dedede now has incredible strength, speed, and durability. He can easily smash through solid rock with either his body or his giant hammer, which he usually carries whenever he needs to- Boomstick: To clobbah that Kirbeh! N.M.E. Sales Guy: How can I help you, King Dedede? King Dedede: I need a monstah to clobbah dat dere KIRBEH! Wiz: Right... However, if there’s anything crazier than his newfound physical prowess, it’s his other, more bizarre abilities. To put it simply, they’re absurd. Boomstick: Absurd? How about awesome?! Get this: By taking in a deep breath, Dedede can actually inflate himself. Then, with a single jump, he can finally do what all penguins have dreamed of doing forever, and actually fly! Your nerdy science stuff can suck it, Wiz! There's no strings attached to this hot air balloon! Wiz: But this makes no sense! How is a penguin, let alone an obese one like him, able to fly? He's not an alien like Kirby or Meta Knight, so how does he do it? It’s an affront to science! Boomstick: That’s the beauty of videogames, Wiz. They don’t have to make sense! Anyways, this tubby bird has a lot more tricks up those baggy sleeves of his. For example, remember that hammer of his? Well, it's not just any hammer. It's a hammer that's capable of shooting out ice to freeze his enemies. Or if he wants to go the complete opposite direction, he can use the hidden jet boosters to add a literal boost of firepower. Damn! Where can I get me one of those hammers? Wiz: In your dreams, most likely. But that hammer, despite all its features, is not the most impressive weapon at Dedede's diverse disposal. In addition to his hammer, he can also drag a few minions into the battle for him, like the aforementioned Waddle Dees, or a particularly spiky enemy known as the Gordo. Boomstick: And if getting hit by a Waddle Dee is like getting hit by a pillow, then getting hit by one of these bad boys is like getting hit in the face by a bowling ball with pins sticking out of it. Yeah, those Gordos can be real fun for Dedede to toss around, but if they're returned to sender, they can also be a huge thorn in his side. Wiz: However, when simple minions and a jet hammer aren't enough, Dedede can pump his power up to a whole new level. (*Cues: Haltmann Works Elite Management - Kirby Planet Robobot*) Wiz: By infusing his hammer with magic properties, he can upgrade his regular hammer into the Star Hammer, which allows him to cast magic spells, including increasing his size, launching energy projectiles, and duplicating himself up to sixty-four times. (Camera turns to Wiz and Boomstick.) Boomstick: Okay, I know the Kirby universe has always been kinda crazy, but how in the world did somebody like Dedede get magic like that? Was it some kinda bribery scheme with some aliens? I wouldn't put it past him, since he's a corrupt king and all. Wiz: Actually, it's a relatively simple explanation. He just fills his hammer with the energy from a magic wand called the Star Rod. Boomstick: But didn't he once steal the Star Rod? Why would the people of Dream Land allow him to even use such a powerful we-''' (Wiz holds up a reproduction of the Star Rod, which glows brightly.) '''Boomstick: Ooh, so shiny... (Wiz puts the Star Rod down.) Wiz: Exactly. Besides, it wasn't even for a bad purpose. He was actually trying to seal away the demonic Nightmare. For once, he was actually doing something helpful for his people. Boomstick: Guess he's not completely heartless after all. Heck, even when he challenged Kirby to a rematch, it wasn't evil, just out of spite. Speaking of that rematch, that's where we'll find Dedede's most important power-ups yet. By donning a mask and upgrading his hammer, he becomes the all powerful Masked Dedede, now capable of powerful spinning attacks and launching rockets from his hammer. Though why he bothers calling himself by his original name when he wears the mask is beyond me, but whatever. (*Cues: Revenge of the Enemy - Kirby Triple Deluxe*) Wiz: King Dedede has accomplished quite a number of impressive feats. He's strong enough to spit Kirby to orbit, fast enough to keep up with the Warp Star, and continuously spars with Kirby, who can send meteors up to 9,999 lightyears away. Boomstick: Talk about Dedede-struction! That's what I call shooting for the moon. I bet he'd make a killing at golf. Wiz: However, while his tenacity may be his greatest strength, his overconfidence and occasional bouts of stupidity can often land him in difficult scenarios. Boomstick: Yeah, like that one time this weird spider puppet captured him and held him as a prisoner for Kirby to save. Wiz: Still, Dedede is a dedede-termined and fearless leader who will do anything he can to keep his country safe. Only to exploit the citizens afterwards. King Dedede: Dedede, that's the name you should know! Dedede, he's the king of the show! You'll holler and hoot, he'll give Kirby the boot! Dedede is the one! Death Battle (*Cues: Stealthy Snoop - Paper Mario*) Wario is seen sneaking around the outside of Castle Dedede. He pulls out his magnet as it begins to vibrate wildly. Wario then looks inside a nearby window, finding a mountain of gold in a dimly lit room. Chuckling quietly, he dons his Thief Wario outfit and sneaks in through the window. Once inside, he fills up as many oversized bags as he can with money, and attempts to sneak out of the window again, when an alarm suddenly sounds. King Dedede and a Waddle Dee burst into the room, seeing Wario just about to make a getaway. Outraged that someone would attempt to steal his gold, he slams his hammer down onto the ground, causing the mountain of money to shake and Wario to fall back into the room on his back, losing his Thief Wario disguise. (*Cues: Boss Theme - Wario: Master of Disguise*) Standing up dazed, Wario turns to face the King of Dream Land. Now angry that he's been caught, he charges forward for a shoulder bash. King Dedede counters by whacking Wario with his hammer, causing a brief struggle between the two. Just as it looks like Dedede's going to win the power struggle, Wario suddenly opens his mouth and chomps down on Dedede's head, before spitting him back out into the hallway. He then charges forward with a Shoulder Bash, sending him through the wall and into the throne room. Dedede stands up, shaking off the attack. Then, he notices the throne. With a grin, he grabs his throne and throws it into the air, smacking it with his hammer and aiming it at Wario. As Wario laughs at King Dedede, the throne lands on his head, squishing him. However, this only turns him into Spring Wario, and he begins to bounce around the room. Wario: Wa ha ha ha ha! Seeing him bounce around, the King of Dream Land makes several clones of himself and floats into the air. With several copies of the King all around the room, Dedede launches one swing and nails Wario, sending him to another copy, who in turn, smacks him and sends him to another copy, in a pinball-esque fashion. It ultimately ends with Wario landing on his face outside. Once outside, however, he finds his trusty motorcycle. With a grin and a snicker, he hops on and rides right back into the castle, nailing Dedede from the back, who doesn't notice him approaching as he's begun to laugh. Wario: I'm-a gonna win! Dedede, now a bit stunned from the surprise motorcycle attack, counters by jumping and pounding the ground, causing Wario and the motorcycle to go flying. He lands in the castle's kitchen, nearly defeated. However, in the kitchen, Wario finds one last hope: Garlic. Dedede comes dashing into the kitchen, only to be greeted by Wario-Man. Dedede's jaw hits the floor as Wario-Man charges forward, destroying the copies and slamming the real King Dedede with several powerful hits. He sends the King down to the ground, before throwing some bombs down at him, which blast Dedede into the Castle's warehouse. As Dedede stands up again, brushing off his shoulders, he notices his last option. He nods, putting on the mask and grabbing the Electric Hammer. (*Cues: Masked Dedede theme - Kirby Triple Deluxe*) Wario-Man is seen outside, striking poses and celebrating his victory. However, he turns around after hearing something approaching. However, upon realizing that the approaching objects were missiles and gordos fired from Dedede and his hammer, he panics, flying around to avoid them. He even grabs a missile and sends it right back to Dedede. Dedede, not frightened, opens his mouth and inhales the missile, sending it right back to Wario-Man. Wario-Man, in response, flies down for another direct attack on Dedede. Dedede leans back and prepares to strike with his hammer, but not before Wario-Man lands into Dedede, sending him into the wall. Wario then flies over, and with a grin, lets off an atomic fart. Wario laughs, thinking he's won, but not realizing Dedede is wearing a mask. As the cloud disappears, Dedede's mask cracks and breaks. However, Dedede appears unaffected. With a grin, King Dedede grabs Wario out of the air and slams him onto the ground, remoing his Wario-Man powerups. After launching into another attack combo, he ends up sending Wario into the air. He then floats up and sends him back down, landing directly in the ground, with only his head sticking out. Dedede then lets out a laugh as he lifts his hammer high and delivers one last mighty swing, knocking Wario's head off his body, landing in a small hole on a nearby golf course, surprising the waddle dee from earlier. He lets out one last laugh as a hurrah, claiming victory. KO! Results (*Cues: Staff Credits Remix (Kirby Super Star) - Super Smash Bros. Ultimate*) Boomstick: And it's a hole in one! Wiz: This was a surprisingly close match. With his many different forms, Wario definitely had an edge in versatility. After all, not many combatants can utilize a fart to their advantage. Boomstick: He's still my goddamn hero for that. But aside from that, Dedede simply had more ways to take Wario down. Wiz: Let's look at their strength, first. Wario's able to spar with Mario, who can kick a 61 million ton castle around like nothing. Not bad, but it pales in comparison to Dedede, who can compete with someone who can crack a planet in half. Boomstick: And in case you weren't aware, cracking a planet in half is much more impressive than throwing around a measly castle. But Dedede didn't just have strength on his side. He also had some pretty wicked durability. Wiz: Wario's best known durability feat is surviving the explosion of the Shake King. By examining the radius of the blast and comparing it to the map of the world, Wario must have survived an explosion equal to about 96 sextillion tons of TNT. Boomstick: But King Dedede's survived getting sucked into a black hole! When he and the others fought against Magolor the alien, he survived being absorbed into a star-shaped black hole attack. Wiz: By measuring the size of the black hole, we can get a range of its destructive potential. And after some quick calculations, we determined that the lowest possible output of energy would be equal to 86 octillion tons of TNT. That's more than five times the power of the Shake King. Boomstick: And as for speed, there really was no good way to judge, since neither of them seem to have used their fastest running shoes. Though, even if we were to use scaling, the big bird's even got him beat there, too. After all, Mario's not known for his speed, while Meta Knight crossed galaxies in less than a day. Wiz: Wario's versatility and kept him in the fight for a while, but he just couldn't match King Dedede's strength, speed, and durability. Boomstick: He put up a good fight, but now he's just a thing of the gassed. Wiz: The winner is King Dedede. Next Time on Death Battle! (*Cues: Ending Flourish - Team Fortress 2*) Torbjörn VS Engineer